Rosie Green Should I trust him or track him - YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Sign in Welcome!Log into your account Forgot your password? Password recovery Recover your password Search Sign in Welcome! Log into your account Forgot your password? Get help Password recovery Recover your password A password will be e-mailed to you. YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Home Life Relationships Rosie Green Should I trust him or track him By Rosie Green - July 3, 2022 ‘Where are you?’ The three little words I sent to my boyfriend recently. Three little words with a whole lot of meaning. Because, yes, asking about someone’s location can be motivated purely by interest. It can also be for strictly practical purposes. But sometimes, when that question is asked of a romantic partner, it can be about quelling insecurity. A need for reassurance. Image: David Venni I’ve been mulling over my trust issues thanks to a new guilty pleasure ‒ the TV show Couples Therapy. A surprise BBC Two hit, it offers a voyeuristic look into psychologist Dr Orna Guralnik’s marriage-counselling consultations. It’s bottom-clenching viewing ‒ there’s something squirm-inducing about seeing unhappy partners laying bare their relationship problems ‒ but it’s addictive, illuminating and really makes me think about my own behaviour. On one episode there was a woman who messaged her husband 20 times a day at work. And then got annoyed when he didn’t message back within minutes. (She used to phone him but his boss had barred her from doing that.) We all know a person like this, don’t we? In the noughties, I worked in a magazine office with a guy whose wife called him every couple of hours to ‘check in’ that he hadn’t forgotten to take his vitamin supplement/buy his mother’s birthday present/empty his bladder? Ostensibly. But we all knew it was really to ‘check in’ that he hadn’t run off with the cute fashion intern. I’ve never reached those heights, but I do confess that when my ex-husband was out drinking with his mates and didn’t come home on time, I’d fire off passive-aggressive ‘Are you OK?’ messages. In hindsight, I wasn’t worried he was in danger (he was 16 stone and once, accidentally, broke his mother’s ribs giving her a hug). Nope, if I’m honest, somewhere deep inside me, I was worried he was with Sandra from accounts. It’s not just women who behave like this – it works the other way round, too. But, whatever your gender, technology means if we want to we can see where our partners are, whether they are online and if they have read our messages. I don’t have a location-tracking setup with my boyfriend (the suggestion of it would make us both feel nauseous) but I can see the appeal of it for some situations. For example, if I’m in a cab and the driver seems dodgy, verging on axe murderer; in this scenario I’d like my boyfriend to know my exact grid reference, thank you very much. Oh, and possibly in Ikea, where you could lose someone for a decade between tableware and lighting. But mostly I think it’s a dangerous road to travel down in a relationship. Start tracking your beloved’s location and it could easily induce paranoia. Psychologist Pamela B Rutledge agrees and says these apps are ‘marketing to our primal fear of uncertainty under the guise of connection’. But context is everything ‒ what if you need to build back trust where it has been napalmed by infidelity? Then I can see it. I have a friend whose husband had an affair and it shattered her faith in him. Now, thanks to an app, she can see where he is at all times. Not ideal, I know, but it stops her thoughts spinning out of control. People often ask me whether I feel the need to implement such things after the trust was broken in my last relationship. They are surprised when I say no. But my divorce taught me that you can’t control anyone. If they want to leave you ‒ or run off with Sandra from accounts ‒ then no amount of tracking will stop that. Heartbreak also taught me that I have an inner strength I didn’t know I had. That I can be OK ‒ more than OK ‒ on my own. Which means, in turn, I am not so needy in my new relationship. I didn’t get a response to my message from The Boyfriend for a few hours, whereupon he resurfaced sounding soporific. ‘I was watching the cricket and must have fallen asleep,’ he said. ‘That,’ I replied, ‘is totally understandable.’ Equilibrium restored. @lifesrosie Read more of Rosie Green’s columns here RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR Rosie Green Will this be the winter of our discontent Rosie Green Want to find true love Follow your nose Rosie Green I have a love rival – his phone DON' T MISS Fiona Bruce Sometimes I struggle not to cry November 14, 2021 17 beautiful 2021 diaries to help you to look forward to December 4, 2020 Why women leave men for women What’ s fuelling the rise of April 28, 2019 Hollywood veteran Laura Linney on plastic surgery friendship and her stellar July 3, 2017 You can shop the khaki jumpsuit from Holly Willoughby’ s new M& S July 17, 2019 The secrets and lies behind this happy family photo April 11, 2021 It’ s cocktail hour Olly Smith’ s cocktail recipes and Eleanor Maidment s canapé November 14, 2021 BBC One has revealed its Christmas TV schedule and there’ s lots December 2, 2020 YOU Beauty Box August Reviews August 1, 2017 Rome has been named the cheapest major city to visit in August 7, 2019 Popular CategoriesFood2704Life2496Fashion2240Beauty1738Celebrity1261Interiors684 Sign up for YOUMail Thanks for subscribing Please check your email to confirm (If you don't see the email, check the spam box) Fashion Beauty Celebrity Life Food Privacy & Cookies T&C Copyright 2022 - YOU Magazine. 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