Elizabeth Day Don t call me seriously don t - YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Sign in Welcome!Log into your account Forgot your password? Password recovery Recover your password Search Sign in Welcome! Log into your account Forgot your password? Get help Password recovery Recover your password A password will be e-mailed to you. YOU Magazine Fashion Beauty Celebrity Health Life Relationships Horoscopes Food Interiors Travel Home Life Elizabeth Day Don t call me seriously don t By You Magazine - May 23, 2021 The final text I sent last night before bed was at 22.20. It was to a friend I’d meant to get back to for a couple of days. I hadn’t found the time to type out a thoughtful response until that very moment. As a result, I’d spent the intervening days with a nagging sense of guilt. ‘I must get back to her,’ I’d think as I was rushing to my next appointment. ‘But I want to have enough time to do it properly.’ And so the text got put off, falling down the list of things I absolutely had to do. The longer I left it, the more magnitude it seemed to acquire. Dan Kennedy It became inexplicably important to reply to all of my friend’s questions, conveying everything that was going on in my life and offering solutions to every problem. Anything less would show I was a Bad Friend. This is why I found myself texting at half past ten instead of going to sleep, like any reasonable person. Increasingly, I don’t think to question these decisions. I answer emails at any time, often while on my way somewhere or in snatched moments in the bath that otherwise I would have spent reading or in quiet contemplation. There’s vanishingly little time off. The succession of lockdowns and 24-hour email has meant the rapid erosion of the line between office and home. And gradually that same work culture of immediacy has bled into our personal lives, too. We are living through an age of urgency, where the capacity to communicate instantly has led to an expectation of an immediate response. Too often we don’t think to question whether one automatically follows the other. The truth is that just because someone gets in touch with you, it does not mean that you are obligated to reply within the hour. In the olden days when we didn’t have mobile phones or email, people could go for months without hearing from each other. This didn’t affect friendships all that negatively. Perhaps it made them stronger because when you did talk on the phone or see each other, it was important quality time and there would always be lots to catch up on. Although I love the regularity of text and voice note interactions with my dearest friends on everything from favourite teabags to the unexpected synchronisation of our menstrual cycles, it’s getting impossible for me to manage the constant stream of communication from everyone else outside my inner circle. I often find it’s the acquaintances you’re not that close to who demand the most. They’ll expect me to have the same communication preferences as they do, whereas I’ve come to believe that the best friendships allow for difference. My closest loved ones know that I hate phone calls but like texting. They also know not to worry if I don’t text them back for several days. They are generous in their love for me and they assume I will be busy and therefore they don’t take it personally. They know, too, that my feelings for them run far deeper than a few dashed-off text messages or emails. When we do see each other, we can always pick up easily from where we left off with no judgement or guilt felt by either party. The more demanding acquaintances are the ones who text hours after their initial communication with the dreaded words ‘just checking you got this?’ It’s a masterstroke of passive-aggression, designed to make the recipient feel bad. And often, it works. I will reply with an immediate apology for the delay, as if I’m a train manager compensating passengers for the late running of their service. But I am not a train. I am not an automaton. Sometimes life is hectic and I need time to myself and a few days’ grace before replying. On the odd occasion, dare I admit it, I might not reply at all. That doesn’t make me a bad person, just an exhausted one. This week I’ m… Transforming My hair with Kiehl’s Damage Repairing & Rehydrating Shampoo. My hair was glossier instantly! Painting My nails with Nails Inc Relationship Status: Proud set. In June, 25% of all profits go to Stonewall. Gorging Myself on Propercorn Peanut Butter & Almond. The most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted. RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR Everything we know about The Crown season 5 Aldi s exercise equipment is on sale with up to 50% off The best Halloween events for 2022 across the UK Popular in Life The You magazine team reveal their New Year s resolutions December 31, 2021 Susannah Taylor The TLC tools your body will love January 23, 2022 How to stop living in fear February 6, 2022 Susannah Taylor My pick of the fittest leggings February 27, 2022 Women’ s Prize for Fiction 2022 winner announced June 17, 2022 These BBC dramas are returning for a second series June 30, 2022 Susannah Taylor gives the lowdown on nature s little helper – CBD April 17, 2022 The baby names that are banned across the world April 27, 2022 The Queen has released her own emojis May 26, 2022 Sally Brompton horoscopes 27th June-3rd July 2022 June 26, 2022 Popular CategoriesFood2704Life2496Fashion2240Beauty1738Celebrity1261Interiors684 Sign up for YOUMail Thanks for subscribing Please check your email to confirm (If you don't see the email, check the spam box) Fashion Beauty Celebrity Life Food Privacy & Cookies T&C Copyright 2022 - YOU Magazine. All Rights Reserved