How My Father's Alzheimer's Diagnosis at Age 42 Changed Our Father-Son Relationship Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Alzheimer's Disease How My Father s Alzheimer s Diagnosis at Age 42 Changed Our Father-Son Relationship You’d think early-onset dementia would have worsened our already rocky relationship, but that’s not what happened. By Austin DrevsFor My Health StoryReviewed: June 17, 2021Everyday Health BlogsScott Drevs, left, and his youngest son, AustinPhoto courtesy of Austin DrevsFather’s Day has held a particularly special meaning to me since my dad’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis 10 years ago. Growing up, my brothers and I had a rocky relationship with Dad. He worked long hours at a paper factory, and he was often tired and grouchy when he came home. Then, out of the blue, he didn’t go to work for a week. That struck us as very odd. My dad never missed work.After a series of unusual behaviors, my dad was diagnosed with younger-onset Alzheimer’s disease. He was just 42 years old, and I was only 8. His diagnosis turned our family upside down. I took it especially hard. As the youngest of three siblings, I didn’t quite understand the magnitude of the disease until several years later.In the midst of this unsettling time, my parents got divorced. The stress of my dad’s devastating diagnosis coupled with my parents’ divorce could have easily strained our relationship even further, but miraculously, my dad and I grew closer. We started going on little adventures together, such as fishing and go-kart racing. One summer, we traveled to Texas and Oklahoma. It was on these adventures that our father-son bond blossomed. Music and Poetry Relieve Stress and Build Empathy br Music and poetry have been my outlets to relieve stress and emotions throughout this difficult journey. During my freshman year of high school, my dad and I wrote a poem together for my public speaking class. I wrote about what it must be like living in my dad’s shoes. Dad’s contribution focused on the actual experience of living with early-onset Alzheimer’s and all the raw feelings that accompanied his diagnosis. It wasn’t an easy poem for either of us to write, but it resonated with those who read or heard it. In fact, I ended up going to a state competition that year and winning a medal for the poem. It was a big moment for us. To read our poem, "Memories," and one by Dad, called "I Think I Know," see below. Benefit Concert Honors Dad and Raises Funds for Alzheimer sI am facing another big change later this year. In July, I leave for the Marine Corps. It’s a bittersweet moment for me. I look forward to serving my country and honoring my dad, who is a proud former Marine, but it’s difficult to leave knowing the challenging journey that lies ahead for my dad. Lately, he’s been declining. He’s become very forgetful and unable to control his emotions. Although he's still pretty independent, he leans on people to help with appointments and other planning tasks. He has a caregiver, Linda, who is with him every day. My dad's favorite pastime is going over to one of his multiple properties and tinkering around, but his motivation to work on them has definitely gone down. Earlier this year, I was thinking about ways I could support and honor my dad before my departure. The perfect gesture came to me in a dream (I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve been thinking about my dad a lot!). I decided to host a benefit concert in his honor. My dream soon turned into a labor of love. I got to work immediately — visiting venues, asking artists to perform, and soliciting community businesses for donations. It was a lot of work, but it provided a perfect opportunity to combine my passion for music with a meaningful cause: the fight to end Alzheimer’s. Last month, I was proud to host a 12-hour benefit concert called “A Music Beat to Beat Alzheimer’s” in support of the Alzheimer’s Association The Longest Day fundraiser. The event included a wide range of artists (from country, to pop, to hip-hop), a silent auction, and a cover charge to attend. So far, I’ve raised almost $10,000 to support Alzheimer’s research, care, and education. My dad was ecstatic with my efforts and overwhelmed with the outpouring of support we received from our local community. I think he talked to almost every single person who attended the event! Caregiving as a Teen Gave Me Moments to Cherish br Since my dad’s diagnosis, the past decade has not been easy for either one of us. As a teenage caregiver, I had to grow up much faster than my friends. I learned a whole new skill set to help care for my dad. My advice to other young caregivers is to live in the moment and cherish the memories you’re making with your loved ones. As my departure nears, I’m certainly cherishing all the moments I get to spend with my dad while absorbing the important life lessons he continues to teach me. I know these will serve me well during my service in the Marines and beyond. Father’s Day provides the perfect time to thank our dads for all they do for us and the many life lessons they teach us along the way. I know my dad is proud of me as I embark on my next adventure serving in the Marines. But I am equally proud of my dad for his strength and courage in fighting Alzheimer’s. Thanks, Dad. Memories By Austin Drevs and Scott Drevs You're young, You can make all the memories in the world but they can fly away fast, go away in a blur. and when you're having the most fun you forget about the worst like, remember that girl remember that way you used to flirt how you put that girl first and how much you both learned. Now, do you remember that time you learned how to bike the time you flew your first kite, or even that time you took a flight to Hawaii to go for a hike. Your family, you remember them greatly Like when you were told that your mom was having a baby, you love your brother to death you don't think you could ever forget but now ... you regret, how you spent time with your friends instead of with him You wish you could take it back, wish you could make good memories about how much you loved him. Because now, you can't seem to obtain them Where did I put my glasses, where was I when I missed all my plans Why can't I remember what I did yesterday, why did I explode and react that way WHY? WHY can't I remember my family! ugh, let's go back again. You'll never forget when you read your kids lullabies You'll never forget when you and your guys went out for a ride when you told your old man goodbye. When you looked in his eyes as he started to die. You still cry. You can't hold back your tears, you get in a phase where you can't feel anything except for pain every day feels like a rainy day. You don't know if you can live, is it even worth the stay. Your kids, you hate how much they see you cry. Your friends, wait what was I saying. Oh yeah, My friends, they only seem to fade. You forgot that last Friday you were meant to go to the cafe that today was your own kid's birthday! And you forgot! Scott! How did you forget! HOW DID YOU FORGET!!!!!! How did I forget. My own son, what was his name. Wait did I miss his last soccer game And who's to blame... only me. But I can't control it I try my hardest. I try so hard But inside, deep inside, I do know my family loves me I do know that the people closest to me would be broken to see me leave That they would be broken to lose me and would grieve. Before I was diagnosed I taught them their ABC's Those are memories THEY won't forget. Those are memories I won't forget. Stay strong, I need to stay strong. If my kids felt this way I would hold them tight and sing them a song a lullaby, like I did when they were two, I taught my kids how to tie their own shoes. A task they won't fail to omit. Where was I, it seems I did forget I Think I Know By Scott Drevs I think I gave you your eyes your ears and your nose. I think I gave you your smarts your good looks and toes. I gave you your name that I know. I think it’s Monday maybe Tuesday I don’t know. but where I put my car keys I don’t know. I think I saw you yesterday or was it today where does the time go? I give you all my love that I know. my memory's not that good though. I get that from my grandpa a long time ago. he died when I was just a little boy though. from a disease that stole his mind and maybe his Soul. I’d give you everything that I don’t know. I found out I had dementia eight years ago. And I know that you’ve seen it grow. That is the one thing I want you to know. I’ll forget your name but I still love you so. I gave you a lot I know. I pray every day I didn’t give you this though. Drs said I’d be dead or hospitalized by now, they didn’t know. It was nice seeing you today, Wow, you really did grow! Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health.See More NEWSLETTERS Sign up for our Healthy Living Newsletter SubscribeBy subscribing you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The Latest in Alzheimer' s Disease Experimental Alzheimer s Drug Slows Cognitive Decline in Large Study Drugmakers Biogen and Eisai reported that their experimental drug lecanemab worked for people with mild cognitive impairment or mild Alzheimer’s disease...By Lisa RapaportSeptember 30, 2022 2 Hispanic Americans Speak Out About Dementia in Their CommunitiesTony Gonzales and Myra Solano Garcia are using their personal and professional talents to raise awareness of dementia among Hispanic Americans, even while...By Brian P. 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