4 Healthy Ways to Make Sex Feel Better Tonight Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Sexual Health 4 Healthy Ways to Make Sex Feel Better Tonight By Everyday Health Guest ColumnistFor Health AnswersReviewed: August 22, 2016Everyday Health BlogsFact-CheckedThinkstockBy Amy Levine, MA, CSE, Special to Everyday Health S-E-X. Three simple letters that elicit myriad thoughts and feelings. Sex has the potential to involve all of the senses, turn us on, happen solo or with a partner, allow us the opportunity to give and to receive, and be incredibly pleasurable. But for many people, sex isn’t the connected and fulfilling experience we know is possible. Sometimes pain or discomfort is to blame. Other times it’s sabotaged by common issues like body-bashing thoughts, anxiety, or stress. Often with subtle adjustments, sex can feel and be a lot better. As a sex coach, I often play detective with my clients to figure out what they need to elevate their sexual experiences. Here are some of the solutions I share with them that I think will help you have a more pleasurable sex life too. 1 Sex Shouldn' t Require Mind-Reading Here's a four-letter word that will make sex better: T-A-L-K. We can’t expect our partners to read our minds. It’s essential we know what we need, want, and desire. Communication is directly related to our pleasure potential. Sexual Solution: Know your erogenous areas. If you’re not sure what turns you on, make time for solo sessions to explore every inch of your skin. Feel the webbing of your fingers and toes, trace your finger down the outermost part of your ear, stroke your thighs, and then go for the obvious “feel good” areas. When you know what you like, tell your partner. Or show him or her what feels best by putting your hand over theirs, guiding them to the spot and showing them how to mimic the motions. If you feel self-conscious, experience stress, anxiety, pain or discomfort, speak up as it arises during physical intimacy. Say something (like, “please stop I’m in pain, etc” or “let’s slow down”) or do what’s needed (like, shift your body) to feel at ease in the moment. Then, so it doesn’t create frustration, talk with your partner outside the bedroom at another time. Together come up with possible solutions or find an expert to help you navigate the situation. 2 Use the Right Lubricant Dryness, like wetness, can come and go throughout a sexual encounter no matter how turned on you may be. Also, women rarely get the 20 minutes of foreplay (kissing, fooling around, or oral sex) needed to increase arousal and feel more connected. That said, there are many health conditions and circumstances that make it difficult to produce ample amounts of lubrication, if at all. The most common culprits: hormonal shifts (including childbirth, breastfeeding, and menopause); allergies; anti-estrogen drugs and other medications and supplements; medical treatments (including radiation and chemotherapy); and surgical procedures (like removal of the ovaries). Sexual Solution: Wetter can feel better. Add a lubricant during solo and partnered sex, whether it’s for vulva or vaginal touch or penetration (start with a squirt of lube the size of a dime and increase the amount as needed. Use it on your vulva and vagina where you’re being stimulated or on his penis). There are three common types of lubricants — water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. It's best to use liquid instead of a messy jelly consistency. When buying lube, select a vagina-friendly brand (without glycerin and chemicals you can’t pronounce). Organic brands, like Yes, are a great option. If you’re using latex condoms, avoid oil-based lubricants like baby oil, body lotion, or lubes. As a side note, don’t use silicone-based lubes with silicone toys, as it causes the toys to deteriorate. 3 Get That Itching and Burning Checked Out Itching and burning could be the sign of infection for both men and women, and it's best to go to your doc to find out what's behind it. If it coincides with sex, and you know it’s not a recurring yeast, bacterial, or viral infection, it could be an allergy to latex or nonoxynol 9 (N-9), a spermicidal lubricant often found on condoms and used with a cervical cap or diaphragm. If vaginal dryness is the culprit, lube is a likely remedy. Sexual Solution: Switch to a different type of condom. The other options are polyurethane, polyisoprene, and lambskin. A few things to keep in mind: Polyurethane and lambskin can be used with oil-based lube. And lambskin condoms only reduce the risk of pregnancy, not sexually transmitted diseases (if a partner is infected). If N-9 allergy seems to be an issue, find condoms that don’t have spermicidal lubricant on them. And switch from a cervical cap or diaphragm to a different method of contraception. 4 Do Something Different Sometimes it’s a shift in position or being adventurous by trying something new that can instantly make sex more satisfying and exciting. Sexual Solution: When you’re in any sexual position, try shifting — up, down, right, or left — to elevate arousal or minimize musculoskeletal or myofascial discomfort and pain. For some situations — such as when, during doggy style, his penis is hitting your cervix and creating a cramping sensation — a shift can make a change in a split second. Propping problem areas under pillows can also make sex more comfortable. Since most women don’t climax from vaginal penetration alone, focus on the clitoris. After all, the sole purpose of this hot spot is for pleasure. Using a sex toy like the popular “bullet” shape — which easily slides between two people — boosts your arousal and increases your orgasmic ability. Or discover other erogenous areas like the g-spot, which can be detected once you’re turned on. For guys who have trouble maintaining an erection, a penis ring made of soft material can do the trick. And his prostate is likely his most sensitive spot if he let’s you explore. Fantasy, whether it’s a thought of something sexy or erotic that’s happened in the past or a mental movie of something you want to unfold, can fast-track desire and arousal from 0 to 60. And role-playing, whether you’re pretending to be someone or somewhere else, can reinvigorate a sexual relationship. Especially if you’re adding something fun like light bondage to your sack session, after being inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey on date night. Amy Levine, MA, CSE, is a sex coach featured in magazines including Glamour, Health, and SELF. In her SPARK and IGNITE coaching sessions, Amy helps people solve their most intimate sexual dilemmas, inspiring them to become empowered in and out of bed. Important: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and not Everyday Health.See More NEWSLETTERS Sign up for our Sexual Health Newsletter SubscribeBy subscribing you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. The Latest in Sexual Health The Four Best At-Home STD Tests of 2022 At-home STD tests offer accurate results, and in some cases post-diagnosis care, without the need to leave your home. Check out our guide to the best ...By Chrissy HolmOctober 6, 2022 People Are Flocking to a Hotline With Their Miscarriage and Abortion QuestionsCalls to this free, anonymous service are up substantially since the fall of Roe v. Wade.By Meryl Davids LandauSeptember 23, 2022 8 Myths About Medication Abortion and Abortion PillsQuestions about medication abortion? Here we refute the many myths and give you the facts about this safe and effective procedure.By Meryl Davids LandauSeptember 21, 2022 Why Are U S Maternal Death Risks So High for Latinx Women Kristyn Brandi, MD, discusses what can be done to keep more women, but especially Hispanic women, alive — before, during, and after childbirth.By Cheryl AlkonSeptember 14, 2022 What Women Need to Know About Anal SexIt isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay — but anal play can be fun and pleasurable, as long as you take a few extra precautions.By Kaitlin SullivanSeptember 9, 2022 Boric Acid Suppositories Why Doctors Advise Against Use for Vaginal Odor or DiscomfortAs you may have seen on TikTok, boric acid suppositories placed in the vagina can help treat certain types of vaginal infections, but using them beyond...By Cathy GarrardSeptember 6, 2022 Stopping Menstrual Periods Is Safe Experts SayNew guidelines from a leading gynecologist group describe a wide variety of scenarios where menstrual suppression may be beneficial, including when people...By Meryl Davids LandauAugust 26, 2022 Why Isn t It Easier to Get Your Tubes Tied When women say they’re done having kids or don’t want them at all, many claim that doctors don’t want to offer them tubal ligation.By Cheryl AlkonAugust 25, 2022 First FDA-Approved Birth Control Wearable Tech Hits the MarketThe technology monitors fertility with an app and a smart device worn on the finger like a ring.By Lisa RapaportAugust 18, 2022 9 Things to Do Before Your Teen Leaves for College A Post-Roe Contraception ChecklistExpert advice on how to help young people access birth control, emergency contraception, and more when they’re away from home.By Becky UphamAugust 11, 2022 More In Health Answers A Doctor s Tips for Googling Health Information What Is COVID-19 Super Immunity When Is a Cough Serious