BDSM Rules at Events Involving Bondage, Dominance, Discipline, and Submission Everyday Health MenuNewslettersSearch Sexual Health BDSM Rules and Etiquette at Social Events Involving Bondage Dominance Discipline and Submission By Julie Lynn MarksReviewed: September 26, 2019Fact-CheckedThinking about attending a BDSM party? Here’s what you need to know in advance. BDSM get togethers involve a code of conduct that all must adhere to.Getty ImagesPeople involved in the BDSM lifestyle, which involves erotic sexual practices that entail the use of bondage, dominance, discipline, and submission, often attend social events to connect with others, share experiences, engage in “play,” or learn more about the culture. A BDSM gathering, which is often dubbed a “play party," can be hosted by an individual or an owner of an establishment. Guests may partake in actual play, such as a bondage scene. Or they can choose to simply mingle with others and observe the action. While the rules aren’t set in stone, there are some generally accepted guidelines that most people are expected to observe at BDSM events. (1) Related: Deconstructing Sex Drive: What Your Libido Says About Your Health BDSM What to Expect at Parties Clubs or Other Events While no two events are identical, many BDSM play parties involve similar setups. Attendees might arrive in or change into “fetish wear,” which may include leather garments or other role-play costumes. Usually, there’s an area for socializing and an area for “play.” The type and amount of erotic sexual play that’s permitted at a party depends on the local laws, the establishment itself, and the organizer’s preferences. A “dungeon monitor” or “dungeon master” is a person (or sometimes a group of people) designated to supervise the play. This enforcer makes sure that the activities performed are safe and consensual. Dungeon monitors often wear a specific type of uniform, hat, or armband, so that they can be easily recognized. (1) Related: Sex Therapy: What Men and Women Should Know BDSM Private vs Public Parties BDSM events are typically divided into two categories:Private Parties These are held in someone’s home, and guests are usually welcomed by invitation only. Typically they’re free, the rules are more lenient, and a dungeon monitor may or may not be present.Public Parties They’re often held at a rented space and sponsored by a BDSM organization or business. At a public party, there’s usually an admission charge or donation request. The rules are typically stricter, and dungeon monitors are frequently present to ensure that scenes are safe. (2) Related: What Do Your Sex Dreams Mean? BDSM Common Rules and Etiquette There are lots of dos and don’ts to consider when attending a BDSM munch. Additionally, each event organizer might have their own set of “house rules” for guests to follow. Many of the guidelines associated with BDSM social events are considered “commonsense” protocols that can be applied to any party, but some specifically pertain to the BDSM lifestyle. Some examples of party rules may include:Don’t touch anyone or anything (such as another person’s toys) without permission.Follow the dress code (if there is one).Negotiate your role in a scene before entering it.Make sure play is safe and consensual.Don’t assume that anyone you meet is single or available.Be polite to everyone you encounter.If you choose to play, observe designated safe words.Don’t interrupt anyone else’s “scene.”Don’t perform acts of “play” or nudity, except in designated areas.Guns or illegal drugs are not permitted.Don’t take pictures or videos unless you know it’s allowed.Refrain from smoking unless it’s a designated smoking area.Don’t open closed doors. They may be off limits.Don’t engage in sexual penetration of any kind.Clean up after yourself.Follow any additional rules that the organizer specifies or posts.Thank the host before you leave.Don’t discuss details of the party after it’s over. A good rule of thumb: “What happens at a play party stays at a play party.” (1,2,3,4) BDSM Party Guidelines for Organizers The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) offers guidelines to help protect hosts who choose to organize BDSM events. Political activists, religious extremists, or law enforcement officials can sometimes disrupt a planned gathering. For larger events, the NCSF recommends the following:Before the party, contact law enforcement and alert them about the upcoming event. This will also give you the opportunity to ask questions about specific laws that guests will need to observe at the party.Be careful about what you post online. Many hosts choose to password protect their websites, so only those who have registered and paid can gain access to information about the event.Designate an event spokesperson who can speak to your community on behalf of your group (if needed).Protect your event by keeping it private. That means only registered attendees can enter at the door.Observe a strict age policy. Many groups require that attendees be 21 or older.Enact a “no photography” policy at the event.If your event is targeted by religious or political groups, post a blurb on your website so that the media can contact the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom for more information. (4) Why Attend a BDSM Munch or Play Party Many BDSM practitioners attend play parties to meet others or learn new techniques. Others prefer to perform their scenes in front of an audience, and a munch provides the perfect stage. Additionally, a BDSM event might be a preferred option for newcomers, as a party atmosphere can provide a safe and controlled space for first date scenes. (1) NEWSLETTERS Sign up for our Sexual Health Newsletter SubscribeBy subscribing you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking Don’t Embarrass Yourself: Learn the Etiquette for Play Parties Before You Go. Submissive Guide.Place Nice: Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Leather Protocol. Evil Monk. May 31, 2005.Play Party Rules of Engagement. Discipline Corps.How to Protect Your Event. National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.Show Less The Latest in Sexual Health The Four Best At-Home STD Tests of 2022At-home STD tests offer accurate results, and in some cases post-diagnosis care, without the need to leave your home. 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